Trusting.... The Immortal One

I can see where this whole fund-raising thing takes patience... It is easy to forget the value of true, sincere prayer coming from other believers... when I am facing a deadline on fund-raising... I know that I may disappoint a lot of (or a few?) people if I can't raise enough dollars to go on this.. all the same I remember how many times I have noticed that praying for others seems to make more sense than praying about my trivial needs. I also have to be reminded that if others are praying for me and my team, I have already been blessed, regardless of the way it seems... But that thinking still seems sketchy to me, I fear.
Fear based thinking is still the enemy, and seeing through the eyes of love is a challenge. Especially when the avoidance of pain is even more of a primal motivation for us creatures than the pursuit of pleasure is.. But I am encouraged by the fact that if I am pursuing a calling, nothing else matters. If not, then better to know it now. Anyway, I am reminded that every day, every other calling seems just more and more confusing. What makes sense, is what makes the most sense (I hope you caught that!) Trusting God will provide is the hardest thing, right up there with asking for help, that is the hardest thing for me of all- I just don't approve of that in myself. If walking with God seems counter-intuitive, then what of walking alone? You usually just end up sitting there.
Ain't no one left to follow, once you have put your trust into the Immortal One... No one can ever come close to that intensity. He takes you farther than anything else has ever taken you into the aching abyss of "the human soul." and then he seems to leave you there... for a period, just to see how you do, if you will walk off a cliff in search of someone else, or if you will trust Him in the deep dark fog of uncertainty.. That decision can be quite a frightening conjecture... without His promises.
I have no one left to follow, but You, Lord.

I cannot fail.